Friday, August 8, 2014

Shirtless Dave

In efforts to conserve water, the mayor has asked that we don't water our lawns. Check. I never do anyway. I always thought it was a waste of water. Plus I'm so lazy about it.

Meet my neighbor.

Shirtless Dave.   That's what I call him.  Let me tell you about Dave.  Now, I'm not making fun of him, but you need the full picture...

Dave never wears a shirt, hence his moniker.  He wears pants, mostly the sweatpant type, sometimes jeans, and sometimes he wears pants and an open jacket in the fall, but no shirt.  Even in that insane winter we had, he was out with a COAT AND NO SHIRT.  He loves going shirtless.   Dave has big coke bottle glasses, is in his late 60s and is extremely tan.  No shirt gets you savage I suppose.

Dave is friendly enough, in fact  he was  the first neighbor I met when I moved into our new house about a year ago.  I walked over to meet him and we spoke briefly.  In parting, I excused myself by mentioning  that it was my birthday and we had dinner plans.  You know, friendly neighbor chit-chat.  He said, "Oh, ok.  How old are you?  45?  47?"  To me, the fact that he guessed 10 years older was amazing and then followed it up with a specific 47.   Also the fact that he skipped the pleasantry of wishing me a happy birthday and cut straight to the insult of thinking I was born in 1968 instead of 1978. 

I see Dave every day when walking Taylor in the stroller.  I throw a hand up and wave.  My return wave is about 15-20%.  In the car the return wave is 0%.  Yes.  Never returned the wave in the car.  I am thinking poor Dave cannot see so well (glasses). 

Anyway, I have been worried about Dave because besides insulting women on their age, not waving back to neighbors, and going shirtless, his most beloved thing is watering his lawn and sidewalk.

Dave spends hours watering his lawn.  He even brings out a chair to do so.  Garden hose is his weapon of choice, no sprinkler for this guy.   He just hangs out in the lawn chair, watering the lawn with the hose, not waving, just concentrating on watering his lawn.  No shirt.  Watering.  Watering.  Watering.

I haven't seen Dave all week.  I am worried about him.  Maybe he's inside watering plants.

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