I had a scheduled C-section on a Thursday morning (for brevity sake, let's skip a lot of that). The night before we went to the Clauddaugh Irish pub for dinner. The site of our first date. Where it all began. We had a great dinner and drinks (just kidding!), but we did have a nice dinner and it almost felt like the night before vacation. We had so much in front of us.
People kept telling me I wouldn't be able to sleep that night. It felt like the night before Christmas and also like the night before Christmas, I was excited but also exhausted so I was able to sleep. Thank the Lord.
We got up early and headed into the hospital. It was still dark.
Checked into labor and delivery. Someone complimented me on my hair. Yes.
Getting prepped was so weird, so surreal. I've had surgery before, but this kind of surgery would yield a baby, a human being, our baby! The nurses always got excited when they found out we didnt' know the sex of our little baby. IT was just an hour away! ONLY AN HOUR! So I was chattier than usual as they prepped me. IVs, shaving (I made an inappropriate sex and the city Samantha joke then), random questions (think 5 year old, what's this, whats that??) and my supportive, silent husband just sat in the chair next to me. God bless him. I am sure he was nervous too, but good thing he internalizes and let's me do the talking. Good lord.
So we waited. And I talked. And a little more waiting. And I sweated.
Finally after what seemed like forever they took us into surgery prep. And we waited. And I asked more questions. I stared at the clock. The doc came in. The anesthetists came in. I asked more questions. Cracked some jokes. Stared at the clock. I realized I was starving. And so thirsty. It was 7:55am. Surgery scheduled for 8am. I wondered if my parents and in-laws were already there? I knew they were.
Ok - nurse told me. We are ready. So I walked into the surgery room. Actually walked. I felt like I was dancing. I was so nervous/excited. Danny was right there with me. The nurses were so upbeat and nice. They loved that we didn't know what we were having. One nurse actually spun Danny around 3 times (think pin the tail on the donkey) and had him pick a chair to sit down on. Right or left. He picked left (or was it right?) Either way....it was the boy chair. BOY! They all yelled. This chair is 99% accurate they said.
The surgery/birthing room was what I thought it would be. But we didn't see one of these on my hospital tour so naturally I had some questions that I asked in rapid fire. I was nervous - did I mention that? Also sweating. So sweaty. I remember that. I hopped up (as if someone huge and pregnant can hop) on to the table and the team got started.
Nurses and doctors talk in acronyms. I didn't understand most of what they were saying but my OB was there and was reassuring. The anesthetists were incredible. They started my spinal block and it was relatively painless. Just a little poke. Then the testing stared. Can you feel this? Can you feel this? So odd. Knowing what was going to happen. Not taking out a spleen, a kidney, or a bone. BUT A BABY!
I just kept making jokes. "Hey guys, free tacos for life at the Sundown Cantina if you give me liposuction after this!" They laughed. I wasn't kidding. Why can't they do that? "Hey guys, got any adamantum on that tray?" The one male anesthetist got that one. YES! However, no lipo and no regeneration abilities. :(
Someone said, she's ready and then I smelled burning. It was the grossest smell. I knew what was happening. I had lasik eye surgery last year. I was awake for it and the pressure and smells were scary and disgusting. Multiply that times - well - a finity. The PUSHING, PULLING, TUGGING was so, I don't know . I don't really have a word for it. It was gross. Uncomfortable, but none of it mattered, because a baby was on the other end of it. I was just so nervous and I only cared that she was ok. Well I still didnt' know she was a she. I also heard them counting on each side of me. 1, 1. 2, 2. 3, 3. Danny said later he saw the floor and it was full of bloody rags. They were counting the rags to make sure they didn't leave one inside. The counting was almost calming. I just did my breathing and meditation along with it.
They just kept asking me if I felt ok. I said I did. But I felt so weird. Like my organs were up in my throat. But I guess they were on the table next to me. Surgery started at 8am, at 8:16am, we heard the sweetest noise in the world......
A baby cry. Not just any cry, our baby. "IT'S A GIRL!!!! A GIRL!!!!" They yelled, and cheered and clapped. She was crying, a loud lusty cry so I knew she was ok. The sound of her cry was incredible. One moment inside and the next, into the world. LET ME SEE HER!!!!!
They brought her to me and I was just so relived. So relived. She's here! She's ok! I gave her a kiss and said a thank you to God and was happy. So happy. She's beautiful. She's here! Thank God. Thank you!
The team needed to clean her off so Danny went with her. All of a sudden I felt sick. So sick like I was going to vomit and they could tell because I probably looked bad and there were no more jokes. But no actual throwing up. Just heaving. With my insides on the outside. So gross. This would be another good place for that word that I cannot think of.
The stitching up took longer than the "birth." I was distracted though because I could hear my sweetheart baby crying in the next room. Danny kept coming over to check on me and tell me how she was doing. We did it! She's here. Wow.
The next thing I knew I was being transferred to a transport bed and wheeled off to the recovery room. In my arms, was my perfect, beautiful baby. Ready to meet the world. And her anxious grandparents.
I have always believed in God, but now, here in my arms, is proof of God's love. Her name is Taylor Noelle Tankoos, born on May 15, 2014 at 8:16am. Thank you.