Friday, May 9, 2014

Newspaper Headline: Shrek avoids hit and run: Great Clips at Kevin Charles

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  85 and sunny in Toledo is perfect weather for most people.  PLUS - we endured a winter vortex so fierce, we are ready to party this summer.

However, I am naturally a hot body.  I hate hot, sunny weather (unless I am at the lake) and it makes me feel weird in the car.  I prefer a nice breezy, overcast 50 if I'm being honest.  Football weather.

Anyway, it was a little hot for my taste yesterday (and please let the record stand I never ONCE complained that I was cold this winter) and I stripped down to a tank top for my haircut despite my better judgement.  I hate tank tops, am super white and also, 9 months pregnant with a 10lb baby.  Being 5 foot tall, people just cannot comprehend this sight and must comment aloud.  TWINS!  They yell.  How can you stand up!?  They marvel?  You couldn't possibly have that baby naturally?!?!  They exclaim.

All good questions.

Well, I guess there was one person yesterday that did not think all of those things.  I was walking down the sidewalk and this enormous SUV - looked like a suburban - almost hit me.  Seriously.  It came screeching to a halt about 1 foot from my face (Home Alone Style).  It scared the crap out of me.  I think I yelled an obscenity (most likely the dreaded F-word) and of course there were about 40 people walking around sunny Sylvania eating ice cream cones and walking their dogs and pushing their strollers in step-ford wife outfits.  Whereas I was sweating profusely in a tank top a la Shrek.  OGRE!

Anyway, the gentleman driver yelled to me - OMG, are you ok!?  IM SORRY!  SO SORRY!!!    I just said, yes, I'm fine, don't worry and went on my way. 

I walked into Kevin Charles and the marvel of my bigness continued with the ladies at the salon.  Not one minute later, the driver of the suburban showed up in the salon.  He looked like he had seen a ghost - white as a sheet.  He apologized and asked if he could do anything for me.  I assured him I was fine and that it just scared me.  He said he was scared as well and that his wife was totally upset. 

Now, how nice that he came into the salon to check on me.  That's just being a good neighbor.  Thank you sir for being polite!

So I proceeded with my haircut and more baby discussion.  Someone from Sylvania Advantage came in and took a photo while I was in the chair.  Great...wet hair combed to my head, all makeup sweated off, lovely cape covering my especially huge body - all caught on camera.  She even took my name so I can get full credit for being disgusting.  Pregnancy glow?  More like Shrek - look - a - like contest.

So instead of dying by suburban hit and run, I will die of horrible embarrassing photo. 

1 comment:

Ky | TwoPretzels said...

Omg. I enjoyed this post.

I am SO sorry you were almost killed by suburban yet I have a renewed optimism based on the driver who checked on you.

There ARE good people out there.

(WHO takes a picture of someone with wet hair for an article? DUMB.)