Sunday, January 12, 2014

Swingin Single

One luxury I do very much enjoy is a massage.  What a great time to just relax and let yourself drift off.  Although sometimes a massage is not that relaxing.  It depends on your masseuse.

Am I right?

Have you gotten a massage and your therapist is a chatty Cathy?  I mean, I am all for some light friendliness so you are not getting the rubdown by a total stranger, but to have to keep up a conversation the entire hour is sort of exhausting.  Especially when you have a job that requires you to converse most of the day.  Sometimes, you just need to be quiet.

Now, this particular instance was not totally her fault.  I might have egged it on.  But it was the subject matter that peaked my interest.  There we were, in the nice dark room.  Me all relaxed and just asking a simple question.

Simple question.

What are you doing tonight?

Well, it was New Year's Eve.  That was my first mistake.  I got to hear about the ex.  Then I got to hear about the family.  Then we talked about her body issues.  That I really could have done without.  I'm the therapist now?  Let's be positive here people!  Finally, it starts getting really interesting.

Well, she says, I have no real plans tonight.  I will probably just watch a movie with my sister in our PJs.  Or we might go to a swingers party.

Excuse me?

Now, that's like saying to a waiter - I either want the salad with lettuce, cucumber and no dressing or I might have the bacon cheeseburger and fries.  What's better?  Honestly.....


So, then I asked some questions.  And boy did I get the answers.  It appears that this particular party/orgy/get together is open to those that are invited but you don't have to "participate" if you don't want to.  You can watch.  Or partake.  Or whatever.  No judgement.    Then she gives me some examples of what I might see.  This is when it really was not her faulty because I was like, and then...what else....really? 

One on one.
Same sex.
Different sex.
Two men, one woman.
Two women, one man.
Role play.
Dress up.
Some stuff I didn't understand but pretended to.

Lots of scenarios.  Then we talked about if you went with a partner or, gasp, your spouse.  What kind of pre-game plan do you have?  Now, honey, if you see a blonde you really, really like.  Just go for it.  If I join in, is that ok?  

All this while she's really working on my gluteus maximus (and it's really maximus right now, let me tell you).  Really just working it on my posterior talking about group sex.  Now that's a massage.


kate • one more thing said...

Please tell me you're kidding. Please tell me that you got a full refund for that massage. Yes, you got a hell of a story out of it... but there is no way that was relaxing.

I cannot even believe that is where that conversation went. Hilarious.

Summer Kellogg said...

"Now, that's like saying to a waiter - I either want the salad with lettuce, cucumber and no dressing or I might have the bacon cheeseburger and fries. What's better?"

This made me laugh out loud. SO FUNNY!!

Wrestling Kitties said...



I don't even have words.

Who says stuff like that?!?!?!

And during a relaxing massage! I mean that is her job!

Crazy! People just love to share everything with you :-)

Yeah, I would be making my next appointment with someone else ;-)