Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sober Fun

It's been fun this holiday season -

I like the festive nature of the holidays;  the lights, the snow, the merriment.   Seeing your family and friends that are visiting from out of town.  This year (2012) my quest was to lose some weight and keep it off and I am almost to my goal - 8 lbs away - and in order to get there I have had to be very strict on my plan.  Most days, it's not that strenuous and since I like to cook, it's pretty fun to be creative and come up with new ways to incorporate new and different vegetables, ingredients and spices that I tend not to use normally.

However.

On days where there are parties, or late nights, or eating out and/or drinking.....and in December, that's EVERY DAY....it's a bit tougher.  Did I mention that I have not really drank since August?  Yeah....

So, having sober fun can be, well, fun, but it's only fun until about midnight when everyone else takes it to the next level.  Please don't misunderstand.  I love to drink and do keg stands, participate in drinking games, dance, sing, and then and hit Taco Bell as much as the next guy, but right now, I am more of the drive everyone home type of person.  A little less fun.  Sometimes a lot less.

Again, after midnight, everyone either loves you  (and wants to tell you at close range) or hates you or another person and is also compelled to tell you (at close range) and when you are short, this is God-awful.  On Saturday, two separate times, from two separate people, were talking so feverishly to me that they were spitting when they talked and their spit actually went directly in my mouth.  Yes.  Right in my mouth.  Guess I need to close my mouth.

Here are other reasons why being out after midnight as a sober person is turrible. 

A)  Dragon breath.  Holiday eating is hard core spice and garlic laden so everyone breath is kickin'.  Also, people that don't normally smoke, light it up because they are blasted.  Close talker.  Sausage burps.  Barf. 

B)  People are not aware of personal proximity and many times a night your foot gets stepped on, your butt/boob gets grazed, and you get checked hockey style into the bar.  Not cool.  Ever woke up with a hangover and wonder how you got that weird bruise?  That's how. 

C)  You are automatically the designated driver and no one cares that fitting 10 people in a Honda Civic is not safe.  Clown car action aside, this is not safe/fun/cool for the driver because everyone wants to rip cigs in your car and scream Katy Perry crap.  Both are awful to a sober person.  Drunk?  "Thisssss isssss a paaaarrrtt oofffffff meeee!"  Super fun.  Plus everyone screams directions at you that are not correct.  "TURN HERE!  Oh, wait, did we miss it?  We deffffffinitely misssed it.  Can you stop at the gas station?"  And you are thinking, pretty sure I know the way back to my own house.

Sober fun.  It's just not that fun.



8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm with ya, sister.
~merp

Ky • twopretzels.com said...

I read this earlier in the day and I smiled. And nodded. And laughed. Oy.

Being the sober one is so fun. Until 11:30 - 12:00 midnight. Then you wish you could magically close your eyes and be at home, in your comfy pants watching Lord of the Rings.

I get it.

Ky • twopretzels.com said...

(My word verification was "utohno" and that made me smile.)

kristinzilke said...

I got to "sausage burps" and was laughing out loud at this : ) hope I was not guilty of any of this NYE...haha...but fear I probably was....there was a lot of "closeness" and "love" that night, ringing in a new year! But I do love you....sober or not! KZ

Iris Took said...

@kristinzilke - haha! Actually, DT was commenting on how he figured out the magic formula to getting me to have the most fun with no booze. He said, "Just get a DJ and add KZ, then maybe a little Tootsie Roll. You guys are out of control!" HAHAHAH! Love you!

Iris Took said...

@KY - YESSSSS! LOTR! HUGGGGGGGGGG!

Iris Took said...

Oh @merp - I bet!! heheheehh! xooxox

Wendy said...

Being the sober one this new year's eve, OH MAN, the humanity! It was depressing watching people get progressively and progressively fall-down poop their pants drunk. Well, no one on my watch pooped their pants, but they could have because they were so drunk. Watching people absolutely lose their minds makes me seriously question their judgement and coping mechanisms!