For the past several years, we have enjoyed ringing in the new year at a hotel party with our friends. The convenience of staying at a hotel is so worth it - not having to drive or get a cab is so wonderful. Our night was fun, but that is not what this story is about. It's about checking out of the hotel.
The man in front of me was checking out and both he and the clerk were talking too low making my eavesdropping extremely difficult so I just stared at the ceiling. I may or may not be hungover today.
I finally get up to the counter and the man asks me if my stay was enjoyable. "Yes, thank you," I reply. I drank approximately 15 vodkas and what would have been maybe 5 glasses of champagne but because they were direct pulls from the bottle we have no way of knowing so, naturally, I slept like a baby.
He continues to print out my receipt and as it prints, he looks me directly in the eye, reaches down, on the inside of his very tight jeans, with his entire hand, grabs/scratches his family jewels. Maintaining eye contact. Now, I still cannot tell you how he got his hand down his 501-shrink-to-fit Levis, but I can tell you that it was a cross between hilarious and wildly inappropriate. I wasn't sure if I was going to laugh or barf or what, but it was really awkward. Like Michael Cera awkward.
Happy New Year!