Thursday, December 16, 2010

I know how Chris Farley felt

I loathe driving with a coat on.  I will suffer pre-hypothermia for those terrible few minutes where the heat has not kicked on yet and then blast it until my contacts almost dry up and fall out if it means I don't have to wear that straight-jacket of a winter apparel.  Bring it.

Maybe I have a coat that doesn't fit, but if that's true, I have never in my entire life had a coat that fits.  Or maybe my biceps are just giant pythons that while cloaked, constrain me that much.  I hate it.

Let's talk collar.  I feel like a horse in blinders while glancing over my shoulder when changing lanes.  Is there a car to the right rear?  No idea -all I see is a woolly blocker that sometimes stabs me directly in the eye.  Which is pleasant since the heat already dried the shit out of my retina.

Arms, hands and fingers -  I can't feel my finger tips since the arms of this dumb thing have cut off the circulation to my hands while in the driving position.  Standing?  Fine.  Driving?  Torture. 

This is why the vest, scarf, gloves combo is my favorite.  I will rock this all day and put a coat over it if I have to with all disregard to my obvious bulkiness.  Sing it with me....fat guy in a little coat....fat gut in a little cooooooaaaattt......

Coats should have arm pleats.  That might  help.  Or maybe I will just continue to be angry on my blog.  That definitely helps.


Jeff Schaaf said...

One of the funniest scenes ever! Maybe you need a hand knitted poncho? Like this one:

wrestling kitties said...

HAHAHAHA! Love the video! Reference to that is made very frequently in our house for EVERYTHING!

I agree. I have been wearing my coat the past couple weeks and I feel like I can not MOVE and hate it. I go back and forth between wearing it and throwing in the back seat of my car. It is fine doing that driving too and from work, but a pain when I am shopping or getting in and out of my car frequently and have to keep taking my coat on and off. boo.

I love the vest look but need to find a black one as the one I have is from college and BGSU Orange!

"Or maybe my biceps are just giant pythons that while cloaked, constrain me that much."

HAHAHA! Awesome, just awesome! You crack me up

Amber said...

I agree! Driving with a coat on is the worst!

Trophy Life said...

i'm with YOU. i hate driving in coats. it's totally annoying.

Nadja said...

I could not agree more. I NEVER wear coats. When you sit on the back end of your coat in the car seat and then the collar chokes you?!?! THAT ENRAGES ME!

Why do we coat-haters live in the icy tundra?

Ky • said...

OMG. I totally have forgotten about that tight-in-the-arm-pits feeling that I ALWAYS dreaded as soon as I put my seatbelt on in my car.


My thought are with you.