Sunday, May 2, 2010

Get back to the Driving Buddy


Main Entry: chor·tle
Pronunciation: \ˈchr-təl\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): chor·tled; chor·tling \ˈchrt-liŋ, ˈchr-təl-iŋ\
Etymology: probably blend of chuckle and snort
Date: 1872
intransitive verb 1 : to sing or chant exultantly chortled in his joy — Lewis Carroll>
2 : to laugh or chuckle especially in satisfaction or exultationtransitive verb : to say or sing with a chortling intonation
chortle noun
chor·tler \ˈchrt-lər, ˈchr-təl-ər\ noun

Last night I attended a bachelorette party for my friend Gina who is getting married at the end of the month.  We had a great time, limo, drinks, shots, and since Gina sings with a local band, she knew everyone everywhere so we didn't pay cover and she was able to belt out some songs on stage.  It was a fun night.
I will tell you, however, that I was so irritated with our limo driver that all I could think about was blogging about it today and biting the crap out of my tongue as I was not the orgainzer.  Just a participant.  A silent, go with the flow, no opinion participant.  Wooo-hooo!   Shots!  Bite your tongue, bite your tongue.....
The driver was an older man and because this is my blog and because I bit the hell out of my tongue last night....creepy.  All the ladies were sitting on the porch having a nice time, drinking cocktails, saying how we knew Gina, you know the drill.  Well, Mr. Cummerbund shows up about 20 minutes early, comes up to the porch and makes his first mistake.
1)  He asks if he can come in and go to the bathroom.
The hostess of the party is backed in to a corner so of course she said yes, but I would have said hell no, please go at our first stop.  I was also thinking, why the hell didn't you stop BEFORE you got here since you had 20 minutes to spare. Whatever, it's not my party.
Next mistake, this one was the worst....
2)  We give Gina the gifts - the uncomfortable, phallic gifts and other personal things.  Note, I never give these types of gifts but instead will always give booze or something else useful.  I always "lose" my pecker straw.  I see no reason why we need to have a penis parade because someone is having their nuptials this month.  Crazy.  Mr. Cummerbund actually comes out onto the porch and stands directly in front of the bachelorette while she is opening her gifts, the whole while, chortling.  I was so uncomfortable and angry, I was expecting to turn green and rip out of my clothes at any moment.  "OH, wow, 500 ways to get off!  This book even has pictures!"  Chortle.  Chortle.
3)  Barely over this display of creepiness, we pile into the creepmobile and the speakers are blown.  The radio works, but it's making this crazy loud noise that sounded like windshield wipers on crack.  Oh well, let's just sing.
4)  No GPS.  He's from Detroit.  We'll just scream directions all night.
5)  The "coolers" we were promised were the size of a wonder bread sandwich with about 10 cubes of ice in them.
Gina didn't seem to have any less fun because she's pretty amazing like that and I will take a lesson from her in going with the flow, but if that was my party or if I was the maid of honor, there would have been some changes in our agenda that night.  Congrats again Gina, you rock and your voice always blows me away.  


Trophy Life said...

ohMYgosh. i feel uncomfortable FOR you. L-A-M-E--O!!

AthenaBee said...

Wow. I'm impressed by your silence. By issue #2 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? would have flown out of my mouth. But I'm tempermental. I gave my dog the finger the other day.

wrestling kitties said...

WOW, that sounds bad! What a creeper. At least the bride to be had fun and will have some fun stories, but seriously that guy just sounds smarmy! blech

And the word chortle made me laugh! Awesome. Of course doing that while watching her open her gifts is just so gross!

(I am sorry this happened, but can I say I loved reading this story. It made me laugh and uncomfortable all in the same....those are great stories!)