Yesterday at work, we had a big event. We had a scheduled break at which time we were suppoed to have lunch (or else I would have packed my lunch like I do every day). In the events business, not everything goes to plan all the time and we didn't get our break at the scheduled time so I ended up eating some cake (and it was faaaaabulous). As I was biting into the glorious sugar bomb, someone walked by and says to me, "Is that on your P90X plan?" all snide and judemental.
What should have happened:
I should have put the cake down and said calmly - "No, but we didn't get our real food like promised and I am hungry. I can have a little today, it's no big deal - I have been working my ass off."
What actually happened:
I snapped. Big time. "THAT'S BULLSHIT! I had a plan! I HAD A PLAN! You should never judge what someone is eating because you don't know what they ate earlier or later or what they did for exercise. You should especially never COMMENT on what they are eating! WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY? HUH? BACK OFF! I can eat whatever I want!"
I might as well have bench pressed him.
You see, this is my biggest fear and the reason why I am so disciplined in public, why I would NEVER order popcorn with extra butter or large fries or something. "What if they tell me I don't need it? What if they make a comment?" I cannot handle the thought of someone silently judging me on what I am eating. When he said that to me, I just couldn't help it - it was a reaction. It was not a silent judgement - it was out loud and everyone heard it.
We may as well have been on the playground in 3rd grade and he may as well have been the most popular boy at school calling me a fatso. That's what it felt like.
I am glad I acted like I did. I didn't cry, I didn't stutter. I just let him have it. People pulled me aside later and said they were glad I stuck up for myself. And guess what? He apologized today. We're cool.
The sad part is that I am still thinking about it and I am sitting here writing about it. People need to watch what they say and how they say it. "Jokes" still hurt people.