Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Drag Queens and German Craftmanship

Yesterday I was home sick (today still home sick) and since I was not properly prepared with movies I had to watch what television was presenting me.  I am a flipper.  I flip.  I cannot stay on one channel for even a half hour and I don't have TiVo, DVR, or whatever you may call it.  I deal, I flip.



At one point, I was watching the Olympics, Ru Paul's Drag Race, Celebrity Fit Club, and NBC's version of QVC.  I wanted to smack myself for watching such bad broadcasting.  I need to back up: Ru Paul's Drag race is this new reality show that is a complete disaster but I just could not stop watching it yesterday.  Perhaps it was because I was glued to the couch with sickness, or maybe it was because Drag Queens are insanely entertaining and scary all at the same time.  I mean, these gigantor skinny guys with long skinny gams and structured cheekbones to die for are all calling each other girl, she, her, and biotch, and it's just madness.  Essentially, if Skeletor were a transgendered male and cloned himself that's what this show is.  Next week's episode, pin the tail on the adam's apple.  Not that challenging, but it should be full of laughs and emotional break-throughs.   

Flip.

"...aaaaaaaaaaand he's coming down the slopes, look at his speed.  The discipline, the determination..."

Flip.

"Honey, can you make your voice higher?  I mean, you gottitgoinON but your voice needs a little work GIIIIRL."

Flip.

"Ant here es zee schtein in a black feenish, wery strong und masculine.  In Chermany, we hafe zees Tradition..."  Obnoxious lady with perfect nails interrupts, "Yes, this mug matches with EVERYTHING..a must for your dining room.  It fits in my hand perfectly, and I'm super petite..."

Flip.

"Looks like a TIE Queens!  We are going to have a Lip-sync contest to determine who will chante and who will sashay.  And ladies.....don't F@*# it up.  Here we go.  WORK IT!"

Flip.

"Next we go to Ice Hockey..."

FLIP.

"Nicole Eggert, you are not eating enough and your drinking is out of control, you too Bobby Brown, and Sebastian Bach - let's go for a glass of red wine, not a BOTTLE..."

Flip.

"Now, tell me Johannes, would you buy a SET of steins so they all match??"  "No, eweryone brinz zeir own schtein to a party normally."  "Ooooh, my, how adorable, like wine charms!"  Blank German stare.

 Flip.  Contemplating getting out credit card - this stein only has 50 left and the coo-coo clocks are next.

Why is there no ice cream in the house?

2 comments:

Sad Panda said...

hahahaha!! I too am a flipper, an obnoxiously fast flipper at that. I approach television the way I approach a menu at a restaurant or out shopping at a store: if it doesn't catch my attention right off the bat, I'm not going to spend my time staring at it to consider whether I want it or not.

I'm glad to know that what you just described doesn't happen to just me.

Written Permission said...

Wait. Wait, wait-wait-wait. Is this a NEW season of RuPaul's Drag Race?? Because the first season? Was pretty much the best thing on television EVER in the history of time.

Going to check the Tivo now... I am ridiculously excited about this!

(Sadly, I cannot relate to the flipping. My husband does this and it drives me INSANE. But since you're sick, it's totally allowed. :) I hope you feel better...)