Thursday, December 10, 2009


Tonight I sold some jewelry at a work function of my Dad's at a local bar. It was a private function except for the waitstaff of course. The waiter/bartender assigned to the party, let's call him Cliff (that's creepy enough), had on all black and a braided pony tail down to his waist. He was nice enough at first, but was the kind of guy that would linger too long after the chit-chat should have been over. You know the type.

So, the party is in full swing. I am hanging out with the jewelry, the Firefighters are enjoying the party, but Cliff is just mulling around, eating meatballs, cruising around, and every time I look at him he is looking at me. He doesn't look away, no, no, instead he waves at me. I smile - kind of. Cliff is creeping me out. Oh well, at least my Dad is here to protect me. And walk me out to my car.

Cliff makes his rounds and tries to small talk with me but it's just not quite right.
"Enjoying the weather?"
"Uh, not really..."

"Do you make this jewelry?"
"Uh, no."
"Who does?"
"Uh, what?

This is how it goes....

I grab the ring on my table that looks like an engagement ring and put it on. My left hand.

Cliff comes back for his shining moment.

"Can I ask you a question?"
"Do I have on too much body spray?"

At this point I could only imagine what my face must have looked like and what I said to him because in my mind it went something like this...

"Buh, buh, buh...body spray? Like BOD? Who wears that? WHAT?"

Then, having no idea what I actually said because I blacked out, Cliff leans into me. Close. Breaking the personal space law. Where's Dad?!?! Doesn't he see the "engagement ring"???

"Can you smell it? The body spray?" He said it again. Bbbboooddddyyy Sppprrrraaayyy.
Eventually Cliff gave up on me and must have moved on because I told him no respectable man wore body spray and he should simply shower and wear deodorant. Possibly reapply when necessary. I felt I owed it to him to tell him that. After all, it is Christmas.


Erika Jean said...

hahaha creeeeepY!

Written Permission said...

OMG -- what a creepy weirdo! That's the type of grossy gross man who wouldn't even be dissuaded by an engagement ring (good thinking, by the way -- I would never have thought of that!). Ew. I'm glad he finally moved on and took his body spray to some other poor, unsuspecting girl. Ick.

SassyTimes said...

I'm not sure I've laughed that hard this early in the morning before. He was probably wearing some Axe spray and was expecting you to crawl up on him and prrrr like a cat. ;) GROSS!

Wendy said...

HAHA that's not the BOD I thought you were referring to. To me, BOD means bag of *insert male body part that starts with d*.

But it applies in this case - sounds like that creepster IS a BOD!!

Ky (Two Pretzels) said...


"Do I have on too much body spray?"

TEN BUCKS says Unco C starts asking me that from here on out.

Lauren Tracy said...

What the heck!!! Creeper! Also, I agree that and Body spray at all is too much on a MAN!

Moey said...

using the ol' "engagement ring trick"... how times have changed! I distinctly remember you making fun of people who did that... not naming names ...

All Things Red said...

Holy crap - FUNNY!! This would ONLY happen to you, Pollyanna. LOL

Anonymous said...

I am DYING over that ridiculous...but awesomely funny!!! I need a "live" version of that story please...asap!