Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Holiday Craigslist

I cannot take credit for this find, but here is a craigslist ad that I must share for the holiday season (although not the current holiday). Note: Leprechaun is misspelled throught.

"little person/Leprachaun" (The Blarney Irish Pub)

Looking for "Leprachaun" to pour shots on top of the bar on St.Patricks Day weekend and on St.Patricks Day.

Location: The Blarney Irish Pub
Compensation: Will be paid a base fee for 3 days/nights
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas from Dominick

My new favorite Christmas song (and one that I had not heard until this year) is Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey. Watch it - it's catchy. Have you heard this song before?





Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope your day is wonderful!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Why a Coach purse is worth it

I bought my first real Coach last year and I love it. I love it so much I carried it every day for almost a year to the point that it needs repair. I took it into the Coach store and they are going to repair it for free. The manager did not even ask to see my original receipt or anything (like I could have found it). Awesome.

Side story: There was a 19 year old man and a 17 year old woman (approximate ages) in line in front of me. He was buying his bride a bag that she could have easily fit into. All the while she was pouting and acting like a baby (pouty lip and baby voice - you can guess what I was doing, throwing up). As she turned to the side to harrumph about something, I notice she was with child. At what point does the baby act need to stop? I vote for when you are actually carrying a baby.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Be (green) honest

In efforts to be more environmentally friendly, it seems that new gift trend may be "green." I have seen a lot of suggestions online to adopt a fill-in-the-blank.

Now, be honest.

If you opened a gift from your loved one(s), in a nice shiny box, and it was a birth certificate for a three-toed sloth, would you be excited? Also, do you think the sloth cares? If you are going green and giving to charity (I consider adopting animals charity), wouldn't you want it to go to a local, I don't know, human that needs it?

Check out all the animals you can adopt on the World Wildlife Fund website. I don't even know what a Dugong is.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Prancer - go eat some school children

Two local news reports today (a Toledo story and a Flint account) tell of deer crashing into a store and a classroom, respectively. The media is really hamming it up, calling it seasonal crashing and the Donner and Blitzen jokes are a plenty. I can't believe no one was seriously hurt.

Are the animals taking over?

One of my favorite comedians, Tim Bedore from Bob & Tom, has "The Animal Conspiracy" that explains how the animals are sabotaging the human world and slowly taking the world back. Check out his "Vague but True" website here.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Bath & Body Works

Have you ever actually purchased a lotion from B&B Works for yourself or do you just have an entire closet full of gifts from holiday exchanges, baby shower parting gifts, or people that don't know you or what to give you gifts. I can honestly say that the last time I purchased anything for myself at that store was in high school - scent, pear. Anyone else?

If I am desperate, these lotions will do in a pinch, but they are just greasy slime that does not actually help your skin and will knock you out with fragrance (and possibly offend the entire room). What cracks me up is that they sell them in a kit, so you can get the triple threat of Moonlight War Path, Japenese Cherry Bomb, or Killer Cucumber Melon Rage. Shower gel, lotion, AND spray? That makes me want to sneeze just typing it.

This applies only to the Bath & Body Works line, the apothecary stuff is better and that shiny, minty lip gloss that comes in the green tube is great. However, if I see Warm Vanilla Sugar hand soap and lotion in someone's bathroom, chances are, I just won't wash my hands. Blech.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Dick's - the new pickup spot

Yesterday I was Christmas shopping (which I love) and ever the people watcher/eaves dropper, I observed these two in Dick's Sporting Goods, golf department yesterday. The lady was (and don't be offended here) the epitome of the word bimbo. Big blonde hair, big boobs, really tan, fluffy white coat. The perpetrator was a real Don Johnson - actually, I didn't get a good look at him, I was staring at her. It was like out of a movie.

Fluffy: Blah blah, something about golf.
Don: "What was your name? I didn't get it?"
Fluffy: "Bambi."
Don: "Oh, I like that, it's cute."
Bambi: "Bambi, like the cartoon. I never had a shot!"
Don: "You're a de/ar."

Let's hope the buck jokes didn't follow.

Four Christmases

I laughed so hard at this movie: out loud, really hard, really often. Even if you are not a Vince Vaughn fan, you will still like this movie because there are so many amazing characters in it. The Four Christmases are as follows:

Brad's Dad - Mean ol' hillbilly Dad, with cage fighting brothers (Favreau and Tim McGraw), and vomiting baby
Kate's Mom - Sexy/slutty Mom and sister (Kristin Chenoweth is amazing) and inappropriate grandma
Brad's Mom - Dating Brad's friend, weird sex comments, uncomfortable
Kate's Dad - This gets a tiny bit sad/slow/reflective before the movie brings it home

Overall: FUNNY. Go see it. Sometimes these movies are too crude or too sweet, but this one is straight up great. Not a spoiler alert, but the couple attends church with Kate's Mom and family and I probably offended the person in front of me. I was clutching my scarf and bellowing into it.

I love you Vince, Merry Christmas you fast-talking-tall-drink-of-water you. You have given the world a wonderful gift: you.

PS: You can always read my celebrity friendly, overly nice movie reviews at Gossip Girls.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Don't shoot!

The craigslist find of the day is under the "barder" section. This guy (or gal) wants to trade and it's a simple offer (click here to see original post):

I need two laptops. I have two rifles. e-mail me.

Wonder how the trade would go down? "You jes' set them laptops on the ground and I'll toss you these here guns when you get 20 paces. Now GIT, GIT!"

I need something more

This is exactly how I feel currently:

Thursday, December 4, 2008

To the turd in the navy Honda Odyssey

On my way to work this morning (still very under the weather), I found myself in a cargument with another driver. Just off of Central on McCord, you have to merge to one lane. Now, there was plenty of room, and I was speeding up to merge (turn signal on), and this soccer dad in a Honda Odyssey (for those of you that don't know, this is a mini van - anyway you slice it - it's a mini van) simply gunns it and cuts me off. He totally cut me off and I had to slam on my brakes. Mr. Mom proceeds to stare me down like I've just run over his dog or something. Uh, ok, dude, it's 8:17am and you're a douchebag.

I honked my horn and may have yelled an obscenity at him. Why do people drive like that? It was actually harder for him (and harder on his gas mileage) to not let me in. What a jerk. Merry flippin' Christmas.

I'm a bad ass wrapper

'Tis the season to wrap presents, and I absolutely love wrapping presents. I find it fun and can produce pretty much perfectly wrapped gifts, which is why this commercial caught my eye. The correct tools are essential to wrapping the perfect present and I think these may be worth the investment:

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Update

Sorry for not posting for almost a week! I made an impromptu trip to New Jersey and now I am sick - yes vertigo strikes again. I missed work yesterday and I feel like today is going to get cut pretty short.